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Montague's ParlorSweet coconut tickles my nose as it floats away from my teacup.

Black tea at Montague’s. Welcome to my Sunday.

The sun is sneaky bright this afternoon. Like she threw off winter and is making her own path.

This day culminates into defiance (the sun refusing the season) and my heart watches. Makes me want to defy something too; usually my perceptions. I know I can’t come close to dreaming as big as He can.

Unimaginable, it’s the signature of His will. Love, the path He leads me on as He takes me through the story.

The purpose of this post is to point you somewhere else. I heard a sermon the other day (podcast it!) from Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle called Trial: Suffer to Worship.  (You can click on this link and then click “Audio only” or you can go to iTunes, search Mark Driscoll and then you can download the sermon for free).

It was truly challenging to listen to and now the Holy Spirit is busy at work as He establishes and reproofs me to make me a woman holy as Jesus is holy.

Mark Dirscoll makes the case that when a Christian suffers there is an opportunity to truly examine ourselves, an opportunity to become better worshippers. He states,

Suffering is an amazing opportunity in which we get to know:

  • where our hope truly is
  • where our identity is ultimately fashioned
  • who our real God is

I won’t steal the Holy Spirit’s resounding movement, I am sure He has some message for your heart, maybe different than the one He had for me when I listened to the message. If you have a moment please listen to it and let me know your thoughts. Hopefully, and soon, I will expand more on what my heart knows of this lesson.

To close, this was heavy to listen to only because it clear that the life of a Christian truly is one marked by suffering. More so, a crescendo of praise is to ensue in this time as opposed to what the world has for us, a heart of despair.

In this I rejoice: my heart will not settle. It will not become as some form of concrete laid down and left to dry. I am, inwardly, churned and shaken. Cracked and broken. The mark of Love, oh how severe! How magnificent! Thrashed within, praise throughout.


P9270095Insert inspirational thought here: _____
Insert understanding and peace and that brilliant, “Oh yeah. Okay. I can do this” moment here:____

Where my heart rejects deception and presses forward. Seeking life, reacting to Truth. Moving freely in His grace.

The quieting of His love.
Humming to His song.
Pursuing Love that conquers and pushes out fear…my failure.

You’re dancing in that white dress, child. No condemnation. No impurity. No unrighteousness.

The weight of weakness seeping into my heart. Saturating me with its heavy ideas. Saddling my life. The mind. My movement. Then in the quiet, “Oh daughter, your faith…it is more precious than gold.”

I heard when Love calls your name, you lose yourself.

Sometimes I throw things:
my expired speculations that brew in desperation, in quiet caves, in dark gardens.
chains so corroded and mutilated.
my love, because I heard she has wings.

I want:
my brown hair back.
what illuminates my hazel eyes.
freckles that dust my face.

To vomit:
the tongue that stabs.
lies that paralyze.
the murky film which veils the eyes and ruptures the heart.

I have heard everything is rubbish in light of knowing Him. Everything. If only to hear His voice more clearly, to understand the steadiness of His gaze.

And then there was October. That month which tries to find its place. In it I knew the Lord. The blanket of His love and caress of His words. He says to me, “Know me.” He says to me, “Watch me.”

There is the response, the psalm, the submission.

The barren woman says, “There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides You; there is no rock like our God” (2 Samuel 2:2-3).

The desolate and humbled king proclaims, “…and He does according to His will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay His hand or say to Him, What have You done?” (Daniel 4:35)

He who lost everything cries out, “I know that You can do all things and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2).

The slain Lamb testifies, “Not my will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42).

And the weary daughter who Loves the Father teaches her heart, “Only You Lord, I only desire to receive from Your hands.”

So then there is life and living and love.
There is beauty that defies the billboards of our misconceptions and collapses what the world asks us to hunger for.

To be a woman who fears the Lord.
To know a man who honors the King.

Brianne Michelle.
Weaves in and out of tears. Stalks joy. Loves neighbor. Knows Father.
Welcomes November…

Probably not what you expected.

"You are beautiful and it is the least interesting thing about you."

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