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If I’m being completely honest:

(marked by free, forthright, and SINCERE expression). 

You’d see a lot.

And I’d hope for you to be the blind man who, with all his knowing and seeing, never grasped understanding. It was good to know and to be in the know and contentment was quite easily attainable from there. Your melancholy desire to actually grasp at understanding would protect me, because you would not actually know me. Although, you would know very well of me.

Then I’d let you “see”.

You would see all those sentences that float around in my head. The ones I want to say but politeness (maybe a form of deception?) grabs me and the sentences fall from my head, bypassing my mouth and entering into the gates of my heart. Sentences that are now filed away for that day when maybe I’ll just say what I want to say because I want to say it. Because I want you to hear it.

You would see all those terrific and homely struggles that keep my mind going. The suggestions and remedies I am coaxing up, testing them with the Truth then trying to hand feed it to this parade of a brain.

Of course all these equations befriend one another to form this procession of faulty self-righteousness. So I actually start to think that I am protecting you from me: a mess. A territory not only dangerous to map out but one that may not lead to the proper and agreeable outcome.

But that’s if I’m being honest.

You would see that this mostly joyous young lady that, “lifts her skirt up to her knees and walks through the rose garden with her bare feet, laughing” at times is gripped by such inwardness, such penetrating and colorful silence (sometimes you really are alone in the room). You would see my burden which is also my hope and let’s not be cordial here-the weight of hope is sometimes more severe than the most threatening sorrow.

I have a heart. Eternity is planted in it. A root hidden deep. The root now discovered, embraced and is transforming the way I do life (which sometimes I suck at. Some people aren’t good at sewing or maybe soccer but many times I am just not good at life).

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